She's got the heart of a ballerina…

round and round and round she goes…

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Dear Sue…

Sue, my 9 year old daughter asked about you yesterday.  It’s been almost 22 years since you died and you still remain part of my life.  Remember when we talked about raising our children together, living a block away from each other, starting a business, and traveling as often as possible to see Springsteen?  Well, I’ve done all of that without you.  

My life is so different at this moment than I ever thought it would be.  All those imaginings we had, all those wishes we talked about, all those plans changed when you committed suicide.  You changed my life.  Thank you. You are one of the reasons I decided to live each day like I’m going to live forever (yes, that’s a Bruce Springsteen quote).  

For the past few years I was stuck. Stuck trying to make other people happy and forgetting to make sure I’m happy.  I lost many relationships and gained many others. Loved and lost and loved again.  Life is like that Sue, I wish you’d realized that 22 years ago. 

Say hi to Clarence and Danny for me, you must have met them by now. Their short lives, as well as my dad’s and my cousin Carrie’s are the reminders that life is to be lived, not fretted over, worried about, or hidden from.  Once again I’m moving on Sue, moving into a life that I never expected I’d experience.  I thank the universe I have the strength to do so.